So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
