Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
