As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
