there's paper in my vomit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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