You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
