and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
