i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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