My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
