I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
