before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
