bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
