Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
