Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
