I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
