If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
