I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
