I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
