Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
