Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
