god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
