First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
