me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
