I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
