Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
