Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
