I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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