dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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