you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
