I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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