Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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