He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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