He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
