So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize