So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
