Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
