I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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