3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My ass is underappreciated
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
