My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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