i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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