i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
