Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
