i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
