he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
