forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
