Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
