im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
