i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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