I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
