Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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