but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
