remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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