I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
