Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
