Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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