I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
