i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
