We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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