Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
