I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
