we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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