We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
