so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
