the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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