I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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