just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize