Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
