You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
