Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
