WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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