my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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