the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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