every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
