i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
