If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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