Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
