Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish my penis had a tongue
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
