Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
