so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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