My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
