Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Your cock deserves a montage
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
