Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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